I met in Paris a few days ago with Nathalie Lefèvre, the program director of Radio Médecine Douce, to talk about her book C'est décidé je m'épouse. A revealing title that proposes a reconciliation with oneself. She explains.

Gary: Hello Nathalie. Your book, C'est décidé je m'épouse, published by Larousse is a real bestseller. For those who don't know it yet, it is a method that teaches you step by step how to appreciate yourself as you are. Until you're ready to take the plunge... and put a ring on your finger!

Learning to love yourself in order to learn to love the other - does that sum up your approach?

Nathalie Lefèvre: Hi Gary. Learning to love yourself is I think, creating a space of acceptance. We are everything that is part of us. But sometimes we hide it from ourselves, and hate ourselves for what we don't like about ourselves. We are much more into accepting others... for better or for worse. Accepting yourself as you are is already participating in making the world a better place.

G : As a loyal listener of Radio Médecine Douce, I realized that the subject of your book was closely linked with a theme that is dear to you, that of emotional dependence. What do you think?

NL: Indeed, to marry is to get out once and for all of emotional dependence, which is one of the most terrible evils of our time. I can say it today: I was a love addict who needed a dealer. Today I love myself and I can give myself my vital and necessary dose. I approach my relationships with others with more freedom and serenity. For me, happiness in life is to live loving relationships with others. The marriage to oneself does not exclude a contribution from outside, but makes it possible in a healthier way.

G : How did that come to you? Did you have a moment of revelation?

NL: Yes. I felt an urgent need to be happy. To feel that I am the creator of my existence, and responsible for what appears in my life.

G: Was it event-related?

NL: Yes, a breakup in love. I found myself single for the first time in several years. I faced a void that I had tried to fill until now. I had to face it. It was the breakup and being single that led me to this.

G: Do you think you were destined for this career?

NL: Destined for an exhilarating daily professional life? Yes! But I think it's all about beliefs, positive or limiting. I have programmed myself to realize my dreams: to be a journalist, to write a book, to organize shows... I love to go on stage alone. It gives me incredible energy. I refuse to leave a dream hanging. Even those I don't know yet!

G: We see in you a great thirst for life anyway!

NL: When you marry yourself, you marry the life inside of you. It's not the things themselves that count, but what I do with them. I don't always have control over the events that happen, but it's up to me to decide what to do with them, and to learn from them.

G: Can men marry each other?

NL: Every human being has the responsibility to take this path of self-knowledge, acceptance of their shadow parts, dealing with their wounds and bringing their talents to light.

G: What would you say to men for whom learning to love themselves means giving up on themselves?

NL: I would tell them it's the other way around. Love is the fuel that allows us to achieve our wildest wishes. To love is to go beyond. When we raise children, we give them a breeding ground of love and an ability to trust each other. We give them the impetus to have the life they dream of. Love has nothing to do with laxity. We are always able to find the balance between moments where we leave each other in peace, and others where we kick each other in the butt! Love is not giving up, it is giving yourself the means.

G: Does loving ourselves keep us healthy?

NL: Everything we say gives shape to the matter of the world, and especially to the matter of our bodies! Moreover, our body is essentially composed of water, a material that has memory and whose shape is changing. If we insult each other from morning to night and spend our time saying demeaning words to each other, we impact our cells in a negative way. When all we have to do is pay attention to ourselves, say positive things to ourselves, encourage ourselves. I am convinced that being with ourselves, as we would like to be with ourselves, is good for our health.

G: What are your plans?

NL: First, having fun in my everyday life. To continue to grow what I have started to do, to give myself more opportunities to be on stage. The stage is the place on earth where I feel most alive.   

To learn more, visit Natalie's website: https://www.cestdecidejemepouse.com